I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
