I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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