My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
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