Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
