I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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