Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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