So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
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