I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
