You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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