went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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