who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
