Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wish you could order shots online.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
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Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
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Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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