All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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