it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
