My liver just broke up with me...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
