There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
