If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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