: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just puked most of my soul out..
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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