Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
