I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
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What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
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Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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