are you so shy because you have an std?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
