I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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