what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
