How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
