ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize