Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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