Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize