he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
