I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
