we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
