The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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