i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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