she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
