Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
