Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Randomize
