im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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