Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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