the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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