I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize