You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
