so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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