ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Small penises have feelings too.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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