Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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