Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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