I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
