you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
