why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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