you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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