her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
