His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
BRING THE BAGELS
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
