the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Dear god my vagina.
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