it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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