lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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