I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I love having hate sex.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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