My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i think my mom watched the whole time
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
