I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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