2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
