just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
