i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
