Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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