One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
These tits shall not be calmed
Holy shit dude........stairs
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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