My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
