I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
