I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
