I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
